Module Five Part 1 - Relationships
Objectives:
Learn how to draw a relationship graph that shows a visual representation of the interaction between different people or different situations.
interpret your drawings in a way that gives a practical overview of each relationship and offer any helpful advice.
CREATE AN ANTIDOTE DRAWING TO CORRECT IMBALANCES YOU MAY SEE IN THE RELATIONSHIP GRAPH
use 3 Case studies to help you to validate your interpretations
Be mindful of the energy you create in your relationships and practice maintaining healthy boundaries
Learn how to use communication to reduce conflict in a relationship
draw out your relationships
Relationship graphs are simple drawings done quickly and without thinking, in other words a picture that represents the dynamic of any relationship we decide to focus on.
Our relationships with ‘others’ is central to our lives; be they acquaintances, work colleagues, friends or significant others. These relationships are surprisingly associated with our personal relationship to being hurt; both physically and emotionally. Pain is the ‘teacher’ that gets our attention!
When we feel at ‘Ease’ or when we are in ‘Pain’ these are signals that our body uses to get our attention. If and when we pay attention to them, rather than ignoring these feelings, we gain a valuable understanding of how to improve our lives.
In this module you’ll learn how to create relationship graphs/drawings that can help you explore the relationship dynamic both in your own relationships, and with practice you will be able to do relationship readings for others. The interpretation of these drawing can help to discover what’s going on in a specific relationship; they can show what’s good and also highlight what may not be so good.
The details that relationship graphs reveal, offer us the opportunity to own our part in why things may go well, or not so well during our interactions with others, thereby changing the way we relate for the better.
Whether it’s a latest crush, a long term relationship, a marriage, work colleague or even your relationship with a specific pain or recurrent problem you keep having to face; this is a key tool to help you to look deeper and find the answers you need to move forwards.
Watch the ‘how to’ video. Use the tools and techniques from Module 3 to interpret your drawings.
You can also apply the technique ‘HEAR’ from Module Four part 1 to help you communicate your interpretations to others when you are ready to do your case studies.
how to draw and interpret A RELATIONSHIP GRAPH
Draw out the antidote to correct a relationship dynamic that needs to change.
Once you have uncovered the dynamic of a relationship and found insight on what is happening, next step is to draw out a corrective image to help you change that relationship.
The corrective drawing is similar to a ‘mask’ you will learn to create in part 2 of this module.
Meanwhile In the case of the example relationship graph above, the antidote would be to draw the energy of slowing down and being more careful around sharp tools.
If the relationship is between people, the size and shape of each colour that represents each person should be taken into account.
If you find yourself in a situation of being bullied or you are being overpowered by someone, it’s often helpful to make your energy bigger and stronger in the corrective drawing, by adding more of your colour and form, also adding love to the dynamic. The strongest energy wins :) See the example below.
Relationship graph between a manager and timid employee
The green is the employee, the dark blue is the manager, you can easily see the dynamic of the relationship. The manager has a bigger stronger energy and is very overpowering, aggressive and intrusive. It almost looks like a dog with a bone barking out orders!
Antidote graph
This helps to change the dynamic, making the employee stronger and placing a band of their coloured energy as a boundary between the two. This helped to improve the employees ability to stand their ground, whilst being receptive to instruction but at the same time heightening their sense of self-love and self-worth. Using phrases such a “ Please don’t speak to me aggressively, I am very sensitive!” Which caused an unexpected response, in a good way :)
relationship and energy
Learn the art of quieting your mind and taking charge of your energy. Embrace self-awareness by observing how you hold yourself in different situations, whether you are speaking or remaining silent, and how you use your hands.
Discover the beauty of watching yourself and others without contempt. Practice self-correction by envisioning the kind of person you aspire to be. Let love be your guiding lens and trust yourself to embrace this perspective.
Maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial for any relationship. You don't have to compromise your boundaries, but if someone is important to you, reinforce them with kindness and appreciation. Offer praise for the good they bring into your life, emphasising the positives five times more than discussing the irritants. Of course the irritants cannot be ignored if you are to achieve inner peace, but this ratio of good to not so good will help the other person hear you more attentively and that will nurture your relationships.
what to avoid?
Four types of communication to avoid to sustain better relationships
The Acronym to remember these is DICC
avoid being a DICC!
Defensive
Ignoring
Criticising
Contemptuous
In relationships, it's important to address hurtful behavior and work toward open and respectful communication. Seeking to understand each other's perspectives, practicing empathy, and finding constructive ways to express disagreements can help mitigate the harmful effects of revengeful attitudes and behaviors.
Defence
Defensive communication often happens as a response when we feel threatened, criticised, or challenged. It is typically triggered by situations where we feel that our self-esteem, competence, or credibility is being questioned.
Some examples of defensive communication or behavior can be:
Denial: Individuals might deny any wrongdoing or responsibility to avoid admitting mistakes or errors. They may deflect blame onto others or external factors.
Deflection: People may redirect criticism or attention away from themselves by shifting the focus onto someone else or a different topic.
Counterattack: Responding to criticism with an aggressive or hostile counterattack to divert attention from their own vulnerabilities or shortcomings.
Justification: Providing excuses for our actions to minimize the perceived negative impact.
Downplaying: the significance of the issue, making it seem less important than it actually is.
Ignore
The act of deliberately paying no attention to someone or something. Ignoring can take various forms, including not responding to messages, avoiding eye contact, not acknowledging someone's presence, or refusing to engage in a conversation or interaction.
Ignoring can have different motivations and implications:
Passive Disinterest: Sometimes, ignoring might simply be a result of someone not being interested in the topic of conversation or not finding the interaction engaging. In such cases, it may not be intentionally hurtful.
Power Play: In certain situations, ignoring can be used as a power play or a form of control. By ignoring someone, an individual may seek to assert dominance or demonstrate indifference.
Punishment: Ignoring can also be used as a form of punishment or a way to express displeasure or anger. This might be a passive-aggressive response to perceived wrongdoing.
Attention-Seeking: Paradoxically, some individuals might use ignoring as a means to gain attention. They hope that their lack of response will prompt others to inquire about their well-being or try harder to engage with them.
Avoidance: Avoiding conversations or situations altogether to prevent having to do something they don’t want to do.
Selective Hearing: Only paying attention to parts of a conversation that support their perspective while ignoring or dismissing contradictory information.
Body language: Expressing discontent or disagreement indirectly, often through discontented noises or nonverbal cues.
Inauthentic: Saying we are okay when we aren’t. Then, sometimes subconsciously seeking retribution.
criticism
Generally involves assessing the merits and shortcomings of a person's actions, ideas, creations, or behaviors. Criticism can be constructive or destructive, depending on how it is delivered and received. Avoid destructive criticism and be mindful of constructive criticism!
Constructive Criticism: This type of criticism is intended to be helpful and supportive. Deliver it carefully, providing feedback in a way that helps the recipient understand their strengths and weaker qualities while offering suggestions for improvement. Constructive criticism aims to facilitate growth, development, and positive change. It is usually delivered respectfully and with the intention of assisting the person's progress.
Destructive Criticism: is negative, hurtful, or undermining in nature. It usually focuses solely on flaws, faults, or shortcomings, shaming someone without offering any guidance or solutions for improvement. Destructive criticism can be a form of retaliation aimed at self-esteem, relationships, and motivation. It may be delivered insensitively or with the intent to hurt or diminish the recipient.
When giving or receiving criticism, it's important to maintain calm, open communication, remain receptive to feedback, and approach the process with a growth mindset. On the giving end, being tactful and considerate in your delivery can make your feedback more effective. On the receiving end, being open to feedback while also setting boundaries against destructive criticism can help you glean valuable insights and improve yourself.
contempt
Contempt is a strong negative emotion characterized by feelings of disdain, disrespect, and scorn toward someone or something. It goes beyond simple disagreement or annoyance and often involves a sense of superiority or a belief that the target of contempt is inferior, worthless, or deserving of disrespect. Contempt can manifest in various ways, including verbal, nonverbal, and behavioral cues.
Verbal Expressions: Contemptuous language often includes insults, mockery, sarcasm, and belittling remarks. It may involve using derogatory terms or tones to demean or belittle the other person's ideas, opinions, or qualities.
Facial Expressions: Nonverbal cues of contempt can be quite recognisable, such as sneering, eye-rolling, smirking, or raised eyebrows. These expressions convey a sense of superiority and condescension.
Body Language: Contempt can be conveyed through body language, including dismissive gestures like waving a hand to signal "go away" or turning one's back on someone while they are speaking.
Tone of Voice: A mocking or patronising tone can be indicative of contemptuous feelings. A person using this tone may deliberately emphasise certain words or phrases to belittle or demean the other person.
Contempt can have significant negative effects on relationships and communication. It often leads to hostility, conflicts, and a breakdown in effective communication. When contempt becomes a pervasive pattern in a relationship, it can erode trust and intimacy, making it challenging to maintain a healthy connection.